Geddoe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trueltning_fury) wrote2009-02-04 02:40 pm
trueltning_fury) wrote2009-02-04 02:40 pm
Entry tags:
I can't...
Three nights in a row. The same, or worse, every night. Sigurd must think I'm going insane, or the Rune is about to burst through my hand. I don't think it's the Rune this time...but I don't know what it is.
If it were the Rune, I would see the things it's been trying to get me to see for eighty years. The horrors of the past, the millions of different ways the future could go wrong, always couched in its own concerns. True Lightning never tells me what's going to happen to me, its only concern is what will happen to it, and whatever it touches. It has...once, terrorized me with a vision of what would happen if it went out of control in my possession, like True Fire did to Kaiden. For a time, that was one of my worst fears. But time eroded the fear, as years and then decades passed and nothing happened. The only thing I've worried about since is my own death, as a result of someone coming for or actually taking the Rune.
These nightmares aren't about that at all. They're senseless and tragic...so much blood. Darkness. I wake feeling almost sick. I don't know if I'm talking in my sleep at all, but when I tear myself awake, Sigurd is already awake beside me, and the look on his face...
It's good that he's there. I don't know if I'd be fooled into thinking something really did happen to him, if I was somehow alone...
It's getting difficult to get back to sleep. I had to fake it, this morning, in order to get him to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. I got up, and now I'm sitting here. I don't know why I'm writing it all down, this isn't something I want to remember. The sun is coming up shortly, I can see the sky through the windows turning gray.
This had better pass in a day or two. We've been offered a job from a group of farmers in Iksay. The cold winter has driven wolves down out of the high country, and they've been attacking livestock. Hunting wolves is not a difficult task, we should be able to clear them out in three or four days. But...I won't be any good at tracking and hunting if I'm dead on my feet from lack of sleep. True Lightning's warrior can't have gone through darkness and torment and come out alive only to get himself killed by a lowly wolf because he couldn't move fast enough.
In the meantime...Wyatt intends to leave. I don't understand...I don't understand it at all. I don't know what he's afraid of. Who or what is he afraid is hunting him, and why don't I feel it? The stupid nightmares...I lost my temper with him for a moment. The only times I've ever watched him go...that must have been what came to mind. Our friendship parting is one of few things that actually pains me. He and Kaiden both. I resented Kaiden's choice for so long. I don't want to feel the same for Wyatt. This must be the other side of the coin...the payment I must make for the joy I felt at finding him alive. The many nights we've spent in the tavern, the talks we've had. I let him go out of necessity once. But when I don't understand why, it makes me not want to let him go...lest I come too late again and watch him die once more. [and here the writing becomes more shaky] He is the only person...the only time in more than eighty years that I have wept was over his death. No one knows this. I kept it to myself. I don't want to do it again. I can't. Not Wyatt...not Sigurd. I have mourned the death of countless allies and comrades, but no one can break through that part of me except...
I can't. I don't need to. Sigurd isn't dead. He's alive, he's sleeping soundly. I can hear his breathing. Damn the fates, I won't let him die! Not like that! Not so long as I still draw breath and can raise a blade. My foes will have to cut away all my limbs and run me through, first, and even then True Lightning will destroy them before they can take him away from me. This I swear on the ring he gave me.
Reading what I've written...I need to stop. I must master myself and be stable. This isn't any way for a man of my caliber to act.
I wonder if I can grab an hour's nap before he wakes...
If it were the Rune, I would see the things it's been trying to get me to see for eighty years. The horrors of the past, the millions of different ways the future could go wrong, always couched in its own concerns. True Lightning never tells me what's going to happen to me, its only concern is what will happen to it, and whatever it touches. It has...once, terrorized me with a vision of what would happen if it went out of control in my possession, like True Fire did to Kaiden. For a time, that was one of my worst fears. But time eroded the fear, as years and then decades passed and nothing happened. The only thing I've worried about since is my own death, as a result of someone coming for or actually taking the Rune.
These nightmares aren't about that at all. They're senseless and tragic...so much blood. Darkness. I wake feeling almost sick. I don't know if I'm talking in my sleep at all, but when I tear myself awake, Sigurd is already awake beside me, and the look on his face...
It's good that he's there. I don't know if I'd be fooled into thinking something really did happen to him, if I was somehow alone...
It's getting difficult to get back to sleep. I had to fake it, this morning, in order to get him to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. I got up, and now I'm sitting here. I don't know why I'm writing it all down, this isn't something I want to remember. The sun is coming up shortly, I can see the sky through the windows turning gray.
This had better pass in a day or two. We've been offered a job from a group of farmers in Iksay. The cold winter has driven wolves down out of the high country, and they've been attacking livestock. Hunting wolves is not a difficult task, we should be able to clear them out in three or four days. But...I won't be any good at tracking and hunting if I'm dead on my feet from lack of sleep. True Lightning's warrior can't have gone through darkness and torment and come out alive only to get himself killed by a lowly wolf because he couldn't move fast enough.
In the meantime...Wyatt intends to leave. I don't understand...I don't understand it at all. I don't know what he's afraid of. Who or what is he afraid is hunting him, and why don't I feel it? The stupid nightmares...I lost my temper with him for a moment. The only times I've ever watched him go...that must have been what came to mind. Our friendship parting is one of few things that actually pains me. He and Kaiden both. I resented Kaiden's choice for so long. I don't want to feel the same for Wyatt. This must be the other side of the coin...the payment I must make for the joy I felt at finding him alive. The many nights we've spent in the tavern, the talks we've had. I let him go out of necessity once. But when I don't understand why, it makes me not want to let him go...lest I come too late again and watch him die once more. [and here the writing becomes more shaky] He is the only person...the only time in more than eighty years that I have wept was over his death. No one knows this. I kept it to myself. I don't want to do it again. I can't. Not Wyatt...not Sigurd. I have mourned the death of countless allies and comrades, but no one can break through that part of me except...
I can't. I don't need to. Sigurd isn't dead. He's alive, he's sleeping soundly. I can hear his breathing. Damn the fates, I won't let him die! Not like that! Not so long as I still draw breath and can raise a blade. My foes will have to cut away all my limbs and run me through, first, and even then True Lightning will destroy them before they can take him away from me. This I swear on the ring he gave me.
Reading what I've written...I need to stop. I must master myself and be stable. This isn't any way for a man of my caliber to act.
I wonder if I can grab an hour's nap before he wakes...