trueltning_fury | Prose log with Queen

Who:

queen_of_castle
When: yesterday afternoon
Where: the balcony above the manor doorway
What: an overdue talk about recent events

There was one spot in Budehuc where Geddoe liked to go to stay on top of things, to see without being seen - the second floor balcony above the main door. It was out of traffic, he could observe anything going on in public, and no one would bother him unless they came deliberately up to him. Plus, the sun shone through the upper windows, keeping him warm as he leaned on the railing.

Heading back to her room after having a couple of drinks - the twins being in the care of one of the babysitters - Queen made it to the top of the stairs and noticed Geddoe at the balcony. Changing the direction she was heading in, she walked over to where he stood and leaned over the railing next to him. "Hey." Was all she said in greeting.

"Hey," Geddoe said back, having noticed her coming even though she arrived and was standing on his blind side.

She looked out on the castle grounds, the trees and flowers blooming more by the day and watched many of the residents enjoying the warmer weather. Queen let out a slightly exasperated breath before getting straight to the point. "So you and Joker were fighting because he's got a serious problem with you being with Sigurd?"

Geddoe didn't turn toward her, or hardly react, save for a twitch of his eyebrow that could have meant anything. "Gee, Queen, next time, buy me a drink before you get so brutal with me," he said dryly.

"Sorry but there's no point of dancing around it when that's what I gathered from my discussion with Joker." She shook her head and sighed. "I'd like to pretend that isn't the case because I hate it but I can't avoid everything that I don't like in life forever. Neither can you."

"Fair enough." Geddoe straightened up from the railing, but still kept his gaze elsewhere for the time being. "Yes, that's why we fought. It isn't that I kept secrets, or that I wasn't trusting enough, it's simply the nature of my relationship with Sigurd."

Resting her chin in both hands, Queen continued gazing out across the courtyard. She still had a hard time trying to stomach the discussion she had with her other comrade from the 12th unit. She hated how petty it made Joker seem in letting something like Geddoe's sexuality come between them but the discomfort in the pit of her stomach was due more to her sympathy for Geddoe's feelings. "Geddoe, I'm sorry. It's so stupid of him to let that bother him so much. I tried talking some sense into him but he's just dead set on his views."

Geddoe heaved a long sigh. "I don't think any amount of talking to him is going to make things better. Thanks for trying, but...don't worry yourself over it." He finally glanced in her direction. "To be honest, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was going to happen sooner or later. I just didn't expect it to be someone I...someone I thought I called a friend."

Queen's eyes, flashing with anger, narrowed. "No, I think I will concern myself with it. It's a terrible reason to ruin a friendship over. He needs to grow up and get over whatever bigotry or biases or prejudices he has and learn to tolerate things more, even if he might not agree." She glanced back at him, still frowning. "I'm not going to give up on getting some sense into him even if I have to smack it into him a million times."

Touched, Geddoe wilted slightly, unable to keep up his stoic aloofness for very long anymore. "Would it be worth it? Fighting it out until every last one of us is at our end, in the hopes that something is going to change? Joker's almost as stubborn as me, you know. I don't know if would be worth the effort."

"Of course it's worth it." She looked at him steadily. "It's always worth fighting to keep the most important people close to you. I only wish I had the chance to fight to keep Graham here with me. You guys are all I have left."

"Queen...." Geddoe's eye saddened. "I don't know what to say." He clenched a fist at his side. That the conflict bothered him so, and Sigurd, was natural, acceptable...that it hurt anyone else beyond them was unforgivable. "I'm glad...to have such good friends."

Queen stood straight again and rested her hands on her hips. "And you always will, if I have anything to say about it. And I have plenty to say about it. So don't worry about a thing."

"I don't want this to get out of hand...again," Geddoe said urgently. "I don't want you or anyone else hurt by what's essentially between me and Joker. But..." He turned away, his voice quieting. "...I know how useless it is to tell you not to do something on my behalf. And I can't give you orders anymore."

She smirked a little, giving him a you-ought-to-know-me-by-now look. "Things won't get out of hand, I assure you. But I mean it when I say I'm not going to allow things to continue like this. This isn't just between you and Joker. If it involves any of my friends, I'm automatically involved as well." Her smirk widens just a little. "Maybe not but that doesn't mean that I you can't ever make suggestion that you highly recommend I do. I still value your opinion, you know."

Geddoe set his hands roughly on the balcony railing and sighed aggressively. "I'm between a rock and a hard place," he grumbled. "If I contain my thoughts and reactions and pretend nothing is wrong, I fall back on my old habits and close myself off. But if I give in and admit that this hurts, I risk coming off as weak, needing help, needing to hide behind others. I don't know what I ought to do. I don't know."

"That's why you have certain people you trust to express your bigger concerns to. You don't need to let the whole world how much pain you have because not everyone can be there to help you." She moved closer to him and elbows him lightly in the side. "Not that you would want that, even if it were possible. That's too many people in your business."

He snorted in complete agreement with that assessment. "I already have too many people in my business," he added. "I'd like to minimize the collateral damage." Geddoe turned to Queen, his brow furrowed, and sat against the railing. "I really wish I could handle this myself, and tell you to stay out of it, but it's too late. So I'm not going to. But I'm not going to ask you to do anything for me, either. If you have to act - be it talking to anyone, kicking Joker's ass, either way - do it for your own sake and your own beliefs, not mine."

Queen sat next to him, a more solemn expression on her face. "Everything I do, it's for something I believe in, whether it be for my sake or for the sake of those I care about." Crossing her ankles, she continued. "Look, you don't need to ask me for anything if you don't want to. Regardless, I choose to stick up for you whether or not you ask me to because that's what I do for my friends - for everyone I care about. Don't expect any less from me."

"That's more than I could ask for," Geddoe said quietly. "Thank you." He turned his head toward her. "Do you have any misgivings, about me? Would you tell me, if you did?"

She nodded. "No matter what, I'd be completely honest with you. I'd rather be blunt and truthful than try to give lies in an attempt to spare someone's feelings. That never helps anyone."

Geddoe folded his arms over his chest. "Well, that's true. But...if you think about it, Joker was being blunt and truthful as well. From his point of view."

Queen sighed. "I know. But I told him, he's free to believe what he wants but he doesn't need to necessarily act on every strong feeling he has. There are certain feelings that we have that are best either kept to ourselves or expressed minimally, for everyone's sake."

"Hiding one's true feelings...isn't a course I'm about to recommend," Geddoe said. "After all, that's how I've had to live for decades, since realizing certain things about myself. The silence is madness. A man should be able to be free to express himself."

She shook her head, thinking of a particular instance when it would have been an extremely bad idea. "Not always. Not when it endangers certain harmony and tranquility between people, especially people working together."

Geddoe turned his head away. "Maybe it's better that those people don't work together."

Since she hadn't been thinking of Joker in particular but of herself, she looked up at him, with a near stricken look on her face. "Don't be ridiculous. I think I would have killed myself first before I stopped working with you for something so silly."

Geddoe turned back to her quickly, frowning in confusion. "What? I was talking about Joker. I wouldn't have assumed you'd want to stop working with me in this instance...you've been supportive."

Blinking for a moment, she let out a nervous laugh. "Of course. Sorry, I was thinking of something else." Shaking her head again, she continued, "Differences aren't overcome like that. And just because you disagree doesn't mean you can't work together."

Geddoe eyed her for a moment before passing it off. "I don't know," he said warily. "If he doesn't intend to change his views...I don't know if he would trust me, or take orders from me, if he thought I was so 'disgusting.' When there is no trust, no respect...it's a lot harder to put your life on the line for each other."

"That's a good point. Right now, the feelings are too fresh so it wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe all he needs is some time to get adjusted, if not accept things completely." Queen sighed again. "I just think it's not good a reason enough - your being with another man, that is - for him to not want to cooperative or supportive. I think you could be guilty of far worse things."

"You won't get an argument from me on that point." Geddoe shook his head slowly. "There's only so much time I can give - so much time headquarters is going to allow me. After that, it's fall in line or cut him out and recruit, that's the first thing they'll tell me."

"Of course, I'm not expecting you to wait around forever before he mellows down. Besides, he doesn't have forever to do so. Give him a few months at most. You can continue doing what you need to do in the meantime."

Geddoe scuffed his toe on the balcony, almost like a petulant child. "I guess. I was planning to take a few months' official leave anyway, to recruit and to do some traveling."

Raising an eyebrow, she nodded. "There's certainly no rush to get back to work. Unless you're out of money or not content sitting around Budehuc."

"And I'm neither of those things. Well," he added as an afterthought, "the peace and quiet is a little boring. But I have plenty of things to make me content around here."

She smirked at that. "I know you do. Enjoy what you have and try not to be to let anyone bother you too much. Don't let a little setback dampen your happiness."

"I know. You're right." Geddoe pushed himself away from the railing, facing Queen squarely. "I won't lie, it hurts. But I'll heal. It's not going to stop me in the least." He turned as if to go, but only paced a couple of steps away. "God," he muttered, "Wyatt's going to lose his head when he finds out. I just sent him a letter saying everything was fine."

She smiled at him sadly. "I'm sure and I'm sorry that any of this had to happen." Watching him take a couple of steps before stopping again, she asked, "What's he up to now?"

"Oh...he had to get away for a bit," Geddoe replied cryptically. "But he sent a note to check up on me, so I responded. That was last week, before all of this went down."

"Hm, I see." Queen stood back up again. "Well, I'm sure he'd be upset as well that all this happened. He has been your friend the longest, after all. Do you plan to tell him then?"

"I don't know." Part of Geddoe's soul ached to do so, but he knew better than to cause Wyatt to rush back to defend his friend's honor when he was in trouble himself, or at the least, sit wherever he was and anguish over not being able to rush back. Geddoe merely shrugged. "I'll see if I've cooled off by the next time a letter comes for me."

She stretched a bit in place, reaching out her arms above her head before walking over to his side. "I better head back. I'm sure the babysitters must be exhausted by now. The older the twins get, the more of a handful they become, after all. You're always welcome to give your try at babysitting them one day in the future too, you know~"

"Nice try," he said wryly. "You know I like you, Queen, but that doesn't make me a good babysitter." He huffed a very brief chuckle. "That's one good thing about my soulmate...I don't have to worry about him wanting kids..."

"Aw, he doesn't want to adopt or maybe have some woman bear your kids for you two~?”

Try as he might, Geddoe couldn't stop the blush that colored his cheeks. "No," he stated as flatly as he could. "The only time he's mentioned it, he said he never really wanted any. God, Queen." He shook his head furiously. "You've got to stop doing that to me."

She smirked widely. Some people were just so easy to tease, really. "Maybe one day when I'm too senile to remember. Until then, however~"

"Great. Something to look forward to." Geddoe turned back to the railing he had been leaning on. "Go on, take care of the little ankle-biters. I'm just going to...hang out here for a bit. Watch the world go by. And, uh..." His voice lowered. "...thanks, Queen."

Smiling more genuinely, she waved as she headed back inside. "Anytime."