Geddoe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trueltning_fury) wrote2008-04-06 07:50 pm
trueltning_fury) wrote2008-04-06 07:50 pm
Things to worry about
And just when I was getting accustomed to the peace, to being on my feet again, to the unshakeable happiness Sigurd has given me...
It took only those two words, "Howling Voice," from Wyatt, and the look in his eye, and I knew I had to stop relaxing and start being on my guard again. I may not be on the job, but I can never stop being alert, no matter how easy it is to sink into that sense of security and comfort that Sigurd gives me. I can't believe that the Guild is so bad at what they do that they never got word of Wyatt's true death more than five years ago, so it's both confusing and worrisome that they'd renew their search for him simply upon sight of him. Dead or alive, he does have all the information they would need in order to track down the other elemental runes carried by the Fire Bringer, and if they were to get that far, they would discover all the other True Runes here. Then, murmurs of the Zexen Council would be the least of our worries. Harmonia will not let a truce with the Grasslands stop them from seeking True Runes. My fondness for Budehuc and desire to protect its people takes a back seat to protecting the runes, particularly my own, yet if the two became intertwined...this could get messy. When Sasarai returns from his dealings, I'll have to take him aside and find out what he knows - whether he has any control over the Howling Voice Guild, or whether he'd simply become yet another target were he to linger here.
More personal to me...is the nagging worry over what this will do to Sigurd. His main fear, as I always expected, was that because of the Rune I would outlive him, and not grow old with him. That dichotomy is what keeps us True Rune bearers from becoming close to mortals, and the excuse I made for so many years as to why I deserved to be alone. What mortals don't always consider is that it's just as hard for us to watch the ones we love age, and harder for us to let them go. But really, I had already made peace with that, in deciding to pursue and remain with Sigurd. If I wanted what he was offering to me, I had to come to terms with it, and I did, privately. It seemed easy to do, because I have other things to worry about - and now one of them has reared its ugly head. I don't want him to get hurt or killed by the Howling Voice Guild, or anyone else, when and if they come after me for True Lightning. At least he's strong, and capable, and I don't have to treat him like some fragile flower - I won't run from them the way Wyatt did to protect his civilian family. Sigurd is a fighter, a pirate, and can hold his own with me. Our trip last week to Hei-Tou proved it. We work well together, we have a natural rhythm that often develops between a swordsman and a ranged fighter like him. But...asking him to go on the run with me? No, I don't want to run. But asking him to put his life on the line for True Lightning, just because it's a part of me? It will be hard. And I'll still have a little fear in the back of my mind that everything we want to have will be cut short, that some assassin or Harmonian thug - or hell, members of my own or another unit of the Defense Force - will use him against me, target him, or that he'll simply get in the way of the strike meant to kill me. I can't watch him die like that - in my arms at a ripe old age, I will take, but not like that. By the Shield and Sword, let it not happen that way...
I didn't need this, on top of the fresh concern that because Sigurd is from another time, he could be sent back to it as abruptly as he was brought here, by whatever odd mystical force surrounds Budehuc. There is nothing I can do to stop that from happening except hope. At least, being pursued for the Rune is something I can...do something about. I have many options. He needs to share the decision with me, though.
When he comes back tonight after working in the infirmary, I'll share with him what Wyatt told me. Ah...there is that one small consolation. A smile amidst the anguish of my thoughts. He's going to be staying here with me, now. This is...our room. I like that. I don't have much in this life, but what I have, I want to share with him. I have nothing to hide from him. Nothing, not even my fears. I thought it would be more difficult to open up and trust him, but...I suppose my soul has been craving this for so long. It's very natural, with him. I think that means, it's right.
More personal to me...is the nagging worry over what this will do to Sigurd. His main fear, as I always expected, was that because of the Rune I would outlive him, and not grow old with him. That dichotomy is what keeps us True Rune bearers from becoming close to mortals, and the excuse I made for so many years as to why I deserved to be alone. What mortals don't always consider is that it's just as hard for us to watch the ones we love age, and harder for us to let them go. But really, I had already made peace with that, in deciding to pursue and remain with Sigurd. If I wanted what he was offering to me, I had to come to terms with it, and I did, privately. It seemed easy to do, because I have other things to worry about - and now one of them has reared its ugly head. I don't want him to get hurt or killed by the Howling Voice Guild, or anyone else, when and if they come after me for True Lightning. At least he's strong, and capable, and I don't have to treat him like some fragile flower - I won't run from them the way Wyatt did to protect his civilian family. Sigurd is a fighter, a pirate, and can hold his own with me. Our trip last week to Hei-Tou proved it. We work well together, we have a natural rhythm that often develops between a swordsman and a ranged fighter like him. But...asking him to go on the run with me? No, I don't want to run. But asking him to put his life on the line for True Lightning, just because it's a part of me? It will be hard. And I'll still have a little fear in the back of my mind that everything we want to have will be cut short, that some assassin or Harmonian thug - or hell, members of my own or another unit of the Defense Force - will use him against me, target him, or that he'll simply get in the way of the strike meant to kill me. I can't watch him die like that - in my arms at a ripe old age, I will take, but not like that. By the Shield and Sword, let it not happen that way...
I didn't need this, on top of the fresh concern that because Sigurd is from another time, he could be sent back to it as abruptly as he was brought here, by whatever odd mystical force surrounds Budehuc. There is nothing I can do to stop that from happening except hope. At least, being pursued for the Rune is something I can...do something about. I have many options. He needs to share the decision with me, though.
When he comes back tonight after working in the infirmary, I'll share with him what Wyatt told me. Ah...there is that one small consolation. A smile amidst the anguish of my thoughts. He's going to be staying here with me, now. This is...our room. I like that. I don't have much in this life, but what I have, I want to share with him. I have nothing to hide from him. Nothing, not even my fears. I thought it would be more difficult to open up and trust him, but...I suppose my soul has been craving this for so long. It's very natural, with him. I think that means, it's right.